So here goes...
I have ALWAYS struggled with prayer. No secret there. And it is not that I don't believe in prayer. I do. I do. I do.
But I am critical by nature and I have been known to judge the church and religious tradition harshly...
What I've witnessed in church and heard as others share their "outloud" prayers has always fallen flat to my ears and my heart. Nothing but sanitized salutations in my opinion.
Okay, I had to take a break from this. What I am trying to say is really not coming out well and I am getting too worried about offending people...
Here it is. Prayer in my life does not exist in the WORD realm. I wish it did. I long for verbal eloquence or beautifully scripted prose...but sadly that is not how I am wired when it comes to prayer. It has taken me a long time to figure this out.
Since I don't pray like I've historically witnessed others to do I figured that I was flawed, just another short-coming. So prayer fell into the realm of bowling. Yes, I said "bowling". I suck at bowling; therefore, I do not bowl...and since I didn't pray appropriately, I never openly prayed for others.
Well about 2-3 weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night (which I rarely do) and felt the oddest emotional, heart-gut wrenching compulsion that I was to pray for Jenny & Luke Norbie. Now I hardly know either one of them. I worked with Luke for a short time many years ago and I don't believe that I have ever directly spoken to Jenny. So this was very odd. So in the middle of the night I lay in bed weeping, arguing, crying out...for healing, hope and mercy.
A lot of times when I pray out of my heart-gut it is not pretty. I cry. I rage. I stomp my feet. I do lots of things that I'd rather not let people see or hear...
AND honestly, when I see the FaceBook petitions for prayer I cringe a little...it is just not me. You know the FB entry that looks like this: