Wednesday, January 5, 2011

the.day.before.the.day












It has been a difficult day....
And it is only 50% complete...

Crabby, irritable...consumed...
Not really sure how I should behave...

It is the day before the day.
I've heard that these times can be difficult.

These days before the day...
Too much reflection and Monster Memories..

Clodhopper...how prophetic...
I've always pictured a horrible, fat monster...

Who knew
Horrible & Fat

Would also be
Stupid & Drunken

I remember that day...
I awoke with a plan

The eyes opened and I heard the bribe,
"If you get out of bed, you can have a drink"

Once up I heard the next "deal",
"If you take a shower, put on make up, do your hair..."

I completed the pre-requisites...
Off I went...to find the right bottle, the right size, the right kind...

Quickly home...
Time to start.

The interruption...
People delivering a lamp.

Would they know?
"No"

Say the right words
Don't slur the words

Don't say too much
Don't say too little

Wonderful...
They are gone...I survived the test

Begin again
Begin again

Home Alone
I will be Home Alone (again).

No supervision
No need to hide.

Let the event begin (again)
Pursue oblivian.

The promise...
The prize...

"You won't have to think"
"You won't have to feel"

"Perhaps this will be the end escape"
"You know, that celestial discharge you've been longing for..."

The rest is a history I am not yet ready to share. 
The harm&damage.

The damage&fear. 
The fear&thecall. 

The call&discovery. 
Thediscovery&shame.

The shame.
The relief.

The relief...but still today...
Shame....

The relief...but tomorrow...
hope...

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