Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Deep & Wide



The Width
&
The Depth
&
The Breadth
of
Winter



Inside there is a silent scream building, calling out that I have had "enough".  I smile inwardly as I think of the FaceBook friend who set it right out there and cried, "UNCLE".  For some reason this Winter has seemed interminable...never ending... Hand me a white flag and I will proclaim, "I surrender!"

I am feeling that all-too-familiar sadness.  Winter has set in and it is long and deep and wide.  

I haven't felt this depth of sad since I quit drinking.  And I am frightened.  I don't quite know how to behave.  I have not yet endured a "sober depression".  If that makes any sense.    

No ativan, No lunesta, No vidodin, No alcohol, No, No, No, No....

This present sadness is like being surrended by a thick, damp, cold that presses in.  Its mission:  Infiltrate every crevice of the mind and erase all memory of the sun.  I still remember the sun so I believe that I am "doing okay".  But I've been to that sunless place and I never wish to travel there again.  I think that is what scares me the very most...

But God is good.  As I sit here trying to figure out how to wrap this up on a positive note I hear music...



Deep and wide
Deep and wide
There's a fountain flowing deep and wide
Deep and wide
Deep and wide
There's a fountain flowing deep and wide

Hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and wide

Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and hmmm


Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm flowing hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm flowing hmmm and hmmm

Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm


Peace.




  "The lies of my thoughts become truths, which become my reality.  Comfort me Lord and avenge me from these shadows... " (Chris A.)



4 comments:

  1. This is very good Annette, I do know this felling all to well. But is does subside! proud of you girl!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm right with you, friend.

    But you knew that :)

    I love that you did that hmmmmm softer and softer until...peace.

    Love that.

    Heather

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love reading peoples minds. Especially when they put thier minds thoughts in print. Makes them easier to read. Not a winter person either.

    ReplyDelete