Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 4: Visualization

today's training:  visualization

The timid toe first approach

The conservative but classic jump


Belly Flop...

The Fearless Flying Leap

I just can't decide which approach to take 

Can you help?

Please vote

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Training Day Three

It was another invigorating day of training as I continue to prepare for the Polar Plunge
 Saturday, January 29, 2011

I hope to raise $200 for Special Olympics and I am only $45 away from my goal.

I am a woman of discipline,
hard work and extremes...
(really, I am...)

Yesterday it was my toes,
so today it was my nose!

Just trying to prepare for the chill of it all.

...and in case you didn't believe that the photo above really is of my nose...

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.--Helen Keller

Tuesday, January 25, 2011



Endurance Training...

I am happy to report that I spent a good solid 30 seconds or so with my toes in the snow today.  It was  very refreshing  and I tolerated it quite nicely.  Saturday's event is going to be a burrrrrr-eze!

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
--St. Francis of Assisi 

Monday, January 24, 2011

SNOW~The Breakfast of Champions

Oh...excuse me with my mouth full...(swallow).. Sorry about that...
This is me this morning as I was eating my breakfast of Champions...

Just thought that I would let you all know that I am in serious training mode for my big J!U!M!P! on Saturday, January 29th!

This entire hairball scheme started out as a simple reminder to self that even though it is WINTER I am still attempt to SHOCK the winter sadness from my bones and somehow find a fresh start...

I sure hope it works!

Stay tuned...

If you'd like to support The Special Olympics here is the link.

Polar Bear Plunge Support Click right here...

Let him that would move the world, first move himself.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Deep & Wide

The Width
The Depth
The Breadth

Inside there is a silent scream building, calling out that I have had "enough".  I smile inwardly as I think of the FaceBook friend who set it right out there and cried, "UNCLE".  For some reason this Winter has seemed interminable...never ending... Hand me a white flag and I will proclaim, "I surrender!"

I am feeling that all-too-familiar sadness.  Winter has set in and it is long and deep and wide.  

I haven't felt this depth of sad since I quit drinking.  And I am frightened.  I don't quite know how to behave.  I have not yet endured a "sober depression".  If that makes any sense.    

No ativan, No lunesta, No vidodin, No alcohol, No, No, No, No....

This present sadness is like being surrended by a thick, damp, cold that presses in.  Its mission:  Infiltrate every crevice of the mind and erase all memory of the sun.  I still remember the sun so I believe that I am "doing okay".  But I've been to that sunless place and I never wish to travel there again.  I think that is what scares me the very most...

But God is good.  As I sit here trying to figure out how to wrap this up on a positive note I hear music...

Deep and wide
Deep and wide
There's a fountain flowing deep and wide
Deep and wide
Deep and wide
There's a fountain flowing deep and wide

Hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
Hmmm and wide
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and wide

Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
There's a fountain flowing hmmm and hmmm

Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm flowing hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm and hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm flowing hmmm and hmmm

Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm


  "The lies of my thoughts become truths, which become my reality.  Comfort me Lord and avenge me from these shadows... " (Chris A.)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Hinge

"Gratitude is the hinge
upon which an abstinant life swings"

Today is the day.

So much is different
Yet, so much the same.

The biggest "same"
I just couldn't see it then...

The biggest "different"
I just know I need it now...

In review 2010 was quite a year.
I am grateful for every little bit of it.

In grateful appreciation of, for and to~

The Turkey
The Ham
Heather, who taught me to Blog
My Hubby Kyle (in no means does being in the 4th position mean anything honey...)
Summer time sunshine 
Walks with Gracie and Evy
Bethel University
My comfy, cozy bed
My electric blanket
Nikki--I finally like my hair--"thank-you very much"
Improved relationships inside and outside of family
Finding my knees
Improved finances
No more Discover bill
No more P-Tab bill
Student loan out of default
Opportunities to do things I really enjoy at work
I got a cat for my birthday
Jameson and his friend who likes pink...
My friend Tom
The Peri-Menopausal vitamins that eliminated night sweats!
Tea pots
Wool Socks
Melvin's Pizza
Polka dots
Dreams renewed
Nightmares silenced
Cashwise's Birthday Cake Frosting
Coco Chanel
The Big Bang Theory
The faithful 1997 VW Passat
The Twelve Steps
El Roi

Oh....there is soooooo much more...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

It has been a difficult day....
And it is only 50% complete...

Crabby, irritable...consumed...
Not really sure how I should behave...

It is the day before the day.
I've heard that these times can be difficult.

These days before the day...
Too much reflection and Monster Memories.. prophetic...
I've always pictured a horrible, fat monster...

Who knew
Horrible & Fat

Would also be
Stupid & Drunken

I remember that day...
I awoke with a plan

The eyes opened and I heard the bribe,
"If you get out of bed, you can have a drink"

Once up I heard the next "deal",
"If you take a shower, put on make up, do your hair..."

I completed the pre-requisites...
Off I find the right bottle, the right size, the right kind...

Quickly home...
Time to start.

The interruption...
People delivering a lamp.

Would they know?

Say the right words
Don't slur the words

Don't say too much
Don't say too little

They are gone...I survived the test

Begin again
Begin again

Home Alone
I will be Home Alone (again).

No supervision
No need to hide.

Let the event begin (again)
Pursue oblivian.

The promise...
The prize...

"You won't have to think"
"You won't have to feel"

"Perhaps this will be the end escape"
"You know, that celestial discharge you've been longing for..."

The rest is a history I am not yet ready to share. 
The harm&damage.

The damage&fear. 
The fear&thecall. 

The call&discovery. 

The shame.
The relief.

The relief...but still today...

The relief...but tomorrow...