Thursday, November 11, 2010

you


Have you ever thought about you?
I mean the you that was you before you were you?

I'm talking about the you that was you
before the "ewe" [aka "yuck"] of parental procreation...

I have.

I have had this strange imagining lately.
In my imagination I see myself called to the throne room of Heaven.

In my imagination I am not Annette the adult or Annette the child or Annette the infant or even Annette the embryo. 

No, in my imagination I am Annette--itty, bitty, pea-sized sunbeam of spirit, and I am standing in God's Holy Presence. (Or would I be levitating, floating, beaming...whatever)

He tells me He wants to send me to Earth.  I am going on a journey.  I will be born.  I will live.  I will die.  He starts to fill me in on some of the details of this adventure...

....and I throw the biggest temper tandrum you could ever imagine.  My retort to God goes something like this:

You have got to be nuts!  I'm not going down there.  Have you seen what they do to one another.  I don't belong there.  I want to stay here. You know if I go down there it won't go well.  I'll make a wreck of things. You know I don't like people.  People are messy.  Please let me stay.  Please let me stay.  Please.  Please.  Pretty please? 
Yea, it goes down something like that.  The me that was me before I was me was "all about me".  Somethings never change.

And apparently I did not win the debate because as you can tell, here I am.  A misfit, vagabond and ragamuffin just hanging out living life as best she can.  Knowing that there is more.  Yes.  More.  Thankfully.  More. 
    “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”
--C.S. Lewis

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