Saturday, May 22, 2010

shush now


Just where have I been some of you may have been wondering….I guess that I have been rather quiet...

Every once in a while I duck out of society and choose to isolate. It is a bad habit. There have been times in the past that my face really should have been posted on the back of milk cartons for all the times I "went missing". I do this when life is stressful, or I have done something stupid, or out of a fear that I have offended or harmed someone close to me. I figure that if they don't see or hear from me for a while that they will somehow magically forget & forgive my trespasses.

In addition to this, I really have felt as though I have had nothing much to say. At least nothing that I felt that anyone (including myself) would be interested in reading. No wisdom. No humor. Only shapeless thoughts flitting here and there which serve only to stir up vague feelings of dissatisfaction.

The thoughts I am cognizant of also cause me to want to hide. These thoughts gossip loudly of my inadequacies. They point beyond me, smirk at my past then turn 180 and nod knowingly at the promise of struggle that is my future.

Thoughts...they are far too often loud, brash, convicting, accusing...and I would very much like to shut them up. At times I day dream of my lost but not forgotten private quiet... As I look back I think that perhaps I craved the quiet more than I craved the alcohol. I openly admit-- I still desire silence.

But the silence that I crave is different now. It is not the silence of anesthesia where mind, body and soul go numb. Rather it is a tender, grace filled and peace filled silence. A fully aware silence where I seek to spruce up my inner sanctuary and make it agreeably hospitable in which one might entertain a King... So there...I can still be quiet... if I want to...

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy:
I were but little happy,
if I could say how much.
William Shakespeare

Shush now,

Annette

2 comments:

  1. Yes. And YES.

    Me too.

    But you knew that.

    See you at 2, friend!

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  2. oh for a "tender grace-filled silence." I should think that would be the ultimate peace. Maybe by articulating that desire, it takes us closer to that place?? A thought.

    (Here 'cause Heather sent me. And I'm just crazy bout her. I'm so glad I came! ;)

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