Thursday, April 29, 2010

just a word or two...




One of my mates in treatment was a perfectionist—her assignment—“you may not make your bed for the duration of your stay”.


My defect?—I could not express emotion—my assignment—“tell three people each day how you feel”. It was horrible. It was hard. After I had exhausted my repertoire of, “I am depressed”, ” I am angry”, ”I am fine”, “I am mad”, “I am tired”, “I am hopeless”, and “I am scared”, I was told that I needed new material.


Fortunately Merriam-Webster was available and able to provide a word or two (actually more like thirty some odd words for that is about how many days this assignment lasted). I’ll never forget the day that I came across the word ‘amethyst’ in the dictionary and I was able to say, “I am feeling like an ‘amethyst’. Of course the dictionary spoke of, “a clear purple or bluish-violet variety of crystallized quartz” blah, blah, blah… but, more importantly this dictionary told me that amethyst also meant, “Un-drunken”. Hence, that very fine day, I was able to assert my voice with confidence and announce to my peers that I was most assuredly feeling “un-drunken”. Here let me prove it—



am•e•thyst [am-uh-thist]
Origin:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/amethyst

Well some habits once established are hard to break. I find myself each day trying to come up with a new descriptor of just how it is that I am feeling. For example just a few days back the ‘word of the day’ was ‘pendulous’. I can hear you all exclaiming, “Doesn’t she know that ‘pendulous’ is NOT a feeling?” Well let me tell you—I was PMS’n—I can assure you ‘pendulous’ IS a feeling…

“I feel ‘pendulous’, as in my boobs are hanging, my butt is hanging, even the
gut is hanging”. I feel droopy and sad both physically and emotionally—it is
most definitely a ‘pendulous’ kinda day…

Anyway—I am taking a meandering path to my point. The point being that I no longer need to fear my emotions—for if I ignore them they can overwhelm me. It seems as though a feeling once spoken is stripped naked of its power and can be examined in the confines of reality not in the expansive free for all of my imagination. So each day I will choose to continue to tell at least three people just how it is that I am feeling…


So here it is—the ‘word of the day’—are you listening?


“Grateful”-- the word is grateful...



2 comments:

  1. Annette, I simply cannot wait to read your posts. You have an amazing talent for expressing yourself through your writing! I am GRATEFUL too - grateful for who our amazing Lord has made you (and continues to make you) to be.
    Keep writing friend. You make me smile!

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  2. Thank you Lisa! I appreciate your affirmation more than you can know! Hoping all is well...
    Annette

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