Saturday, March 20, 2010

Can Anyone Hear Me?

I went to an AA meeting on Wednesday (St. Pat's Day) that I had not ever been to before. It was an okay meeting—but what I really liked was that they asked everyone to go around and tell how their week was and evaluate three things:

So my thoughts were:
1) Sobriety—“Check”
2) Serenity—hmmm, okay I give myself half a “Check”
3) Sanity—No “Check” in sight…

When I reviewed the content of my thoughts for that day,I realized that I had been obsessing about "Never, EVER having green beer". I’m not sure what prompted this lament (other than that I am an alcoholic and I seem to enjoy feeling sorry for myself periodically). It had been a busy day at work and I found that quite often my mind would wander to this thought over and over again. The thoughts didn't really cause me any distress, just kind of entertained my mind—all the while I went about my normal duties at work. I just could not get over the fact that in 25 years of drinking I had never had green beer!

I must have had this thought over fifty times that day. But it is so weird—it wasn’t until I slowed down and deliberately and purposefully inventoried my thought life did I realize that the conversation in my head was really quite insane. What sane person obsesses about green beer?

This really made me wonder about the nature of my alcoholic insanity. Who would ever think that insanity could be so sly, so discrete? I always thought that insanity manifested itself in obtrusive, blatant, loud and crazy thoughts. Nope. Not so. Insane can be simple...subtle...cunning...baffling...

Annette—The COD

1 comment:

  1. in•sane  adjective
    1.not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
    2.of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.
    3.utterly senseless: an insane plan.
    I believe that the 3rd definition would pertain to this thought process:) I think you should have been thinking about how nice your sister is to you instead on that day! Now that is not "insane"! Love you !